Many of you
reading this probably a lot older than me and my brother and still haven’t had
to go through what we are at the tender ages of 15 + 18. Every time I tell
somebody what we go through I tend to keep strong and put a smile on, however I
feel far from happy, far from normal. This is my diary and I will tell you how
I see things, and why I react the way I do. Being 18, I am just stepping out
into my own world, on my own, and not having to depend on my mum and dad, for
everything.   I often get jealous when I see other people my age, or
my friends going places with their parents, for day trips to the shops, or on
holiday; but this illness not only affects mum, its affects me.

 
This week has being hard, arguments have occurred daily; because I am finding
it hard to cope with the money I earn and live on i like shopping and have a car and a phone and mum keeps saying to me i need to budget ( do 18 year olds budget or just moan???? ) . I can’t ask for money off
mum and dad because they already do enough for me , Grandad ,dad and mum all help keep my car on the road. . I know I should give the money they want i.e. board, but I am honestly struggling; and this causes daily arguments.  We are all on edge, and dealing with it in our own different ways. Mum is hoping that the call will come, and believes so, whereas me and dad are far more pessimistic about the whole thing, of course we’d love to receive the call right now, but we haven’t had much hope in the last 2 years, and it is really wearing us all out. I feel for mum, it tears me up, when I see her trying to do the pots, and almost passing out ,but because I am such an angry person because of this, I get mad with the whole thing and start to shout. Its not that I don’t love my mum, I love her an incredible amount, she’s my world, but that’s it, she is my world, and this terrible disease is taking
her from me. It’s just not fair. At a young age of 38 and so beautiful why
should this career driven, intelligent woman be in the body of a 90 year old,
struggling with every thing she attempts to do. Its not justified, my mum has
only ever tried to help people and make everyone’s life easier.

I really am so
proud of her by all the advertising and promoting she has got her self into, at
times I do doubt people do listen or even take into account what she is going
through and what joining the transplant list entails. But hopefully if you’re
reading this you care enough to think deeply about joining the list, so that
you may help people like my mum.

So this isn’t
really a diary, there is too much that happens in a week in this household for
me to take note off, but what I can describe is how we are all desperate for
this call to come a.s.a.p so that we can get our life’s back on track and we
can be a normal family once again.

I really do hope
that this has made you all think of what me and my brother are going through
and what a struggle it is for all of us, not just my mum.

Thanks for
reading!

P.S To Anston
Working Mens Committee – Dad told us what you offered to him the other night,
it touched me and Daniel how you are all thinking of us. We are sincerely
grateful for the offer!